SOAP: The Alternate Reality - Episode 1

Confused? You won't be on the Alternate World of SOAP!

<The camera opens up inside the Tates living room.  Jessica Tate comes in and
sits down.  She waves at the camera and begins speaking.>

Jessica Tate: I'm sure you all remember me. My name is Jessica Tate.  I know last time we left off, I was about to be killed by dozens of armed men. However, that didn't happen here.  This isn't the SOAP you remember.  Yes I'm still the loveable Jessica and my Sister Mary is still "older".  However, some of our history has changed.  I've been recollecting past memories as our favorite Butler, Benson is returning from his duration at the Governor's mansion.  He has decided to return and work with the family.  Of course, he wants more incentives, which includes even more vacation time.  I wonder how his past vacation was?

<Flashback sequence goes to Benson sitting in an airport eating a salamisandwich.  A man sits down right next to him. He starts speaking to him.>

Benson: Waiting for the next flight out to Nassau too?

Martin: Nope, I'm off to the LA.  But the Bahamas sure is beautiful land.

Benson: Yes it is. So what's your name sir?

Martin: It's Tom Martin.   And you sir?

Benson: Benson.

Martin: Just Benson?  Is that a first or last name?

Benson: It's just Benson.  Everyone calls me Benson.  If I ever get my television series, I'd call it Benson.

Martin: Well I like the name Benson.

Benson: I know, most people do.  What do you do for a living anyways?

Martin: I'm a salesman and I have a trip now to LA to organize a new deal for licensing.

Benson: Wow, licensing.  That's major stuff.  I'm a butler.  I use to work for the governor, but I got so sick of his moaning and groaning I decided to go back to my old household.  I use to work for a bunch of ingrates, the Tates.  They mean well and all, but still they're hard to deal with.

Martin: Sounds like my family Benson.

Benson: That is funny.  But I'm having my flight called so I must be off. Maybe I'll meet you sometime down the road.

Martin: That would be nice.

Pool in Nassau

Benson: Ahhh what a day.  I never get to relax ever.  I don't even remember the last time I have had a day off.

Lifeguard: Could you move back a little sir?  I'm trying to get some sun?

Benson: Even far away from home, these people are never pleased at what I do.

< From far away Dale Westers spies on Benson to get info on Chester Tate's
large sum of money.>

Westers: Hurry up Johnson.  Get into disguise.

Ron Johnson: You know I think this is dumb!  Why can't we just got and toss Benson in the pool and let him drown?

Westers: Genius, if we do that we will never find out Chester Tate's Bank Account.  Don't you even remember the point of this mission?

Johnson: We are suppose to steal the Tates money.

Westers: That's correct.  Now get on your lifeguard suit.  While Benson is lying there go and tell him he has an important phone call inside.  When he goes to take it I will clonk him with this jar and he will be out cold.  We can take him back to Conneticut and question him there.  Understand?

Johnson: Of course, what do you even take me for?

<Benson leaves pool area and goes back up to his room.>

Westers: Damn!  We missed our chance!  This is all your fault Johnson.

<Westers slaps Johnson across the face.>

Benson's Room

<While Benson is sleeping Johnson sneaks in.>

Westers (on walkie talkie): Now you shouldn't mess up this time Johnson. Benson is sleeping, there will be no reason to even have to wake him up. Take his passport, drivers license, and schedule book.  This will be enough of a diversion for us to steal the Tates money!

Johnson: Alright Westers, I got it all.  I told you that this time I won't let you dow....

<Johnson trips over Bensons suitcase.>

Johnson: OUCH!

Westers: Johnson what happened?

<Benson wakes up and Johnson hides under his bed.>

Benson: That's odd.  I could have sworn that I heard noises.  Maybe my ears are just sensitive for always waking up from the Major's gunshots.

<Benson goes back to sleep.>

Johnson: That was close. I'm outta here.  Westers, we need a different plan. I can't steal his stuff!!!  It's too dark and all of his materials are covering my eyes.

Westers: You are a bumbling idiot Johnson!

Johnson: Why thank you sir!  But we must get out of here, I'm sure we will have our chance before Benson leaves the island.

<The camera switches back to the Tates House.  Jessica sits down sitting a cup of tea.>

Jessica: Things have been a mess here.  Saunders is gone.  He left because of Mr. Tate being so dissatisfied.   Now I know all of you want to know why I'm still here and what's going on between me and El Puerco!  Well if you lovely people must know, I've been quite busy fixing up the house that nothing much could possibly happen.  El Puerco still lives with us and no Malaguayan assassins have been after us.

<Jessica nibbles on a cookie.>

Jessica: This does have a lot of fat in it, but who cares.  I'm sure Benson can fix up a diet shake later tonight.  Now I know this will interest you all so I will tell you.  Eunice, is still married to Dutch and they have no marital mating problems as you might have remembered.  And Corinne, is still here happily raising her son, Timmy.  You know I've been talking so much I lost track of time, I wonder where on earth Benson is!  I hope he checked out alright.

Front Desk of the Hotel

Benson: I'd like to check out as soon as possible.

Clerk: Yes sir. The bill will come to, $267.78

Benson: Here's my credit card good man.

Airport

Benson: I would like the next flight out to Conneticut. I have suspicion of someone following me.

Airport Businessman: We will do what we can sir.  I see only a few open seats available for our next flight leaving shortly. It will depart in 45 minutes. Will that be enough time for you?

Benson: It will be. Thank you.

Flight 206 to Conneticut

Benson: Ummm miss, I'd love a bag of salted peanuts.  They are my favorite.

Flight attendant: I'm sorry but we are all out.  Can I offer you some roasted ones?

Benson: Sure. I just love being served on.

<While Benson is eating his peanuts Johnson sneaks up behind him.>

Benson: I love peanuts.  I think this calls for a nice nap now.  Good food and good sleep.

<Benson pulls his chair back and is crushes over Johnson's feet.>

Johnson: YEEEEOOOOWWW!!!!  Westers I could use some help here!

Connecticut Airport

Customs Officer: Mr. Benson.  Your limo is waiting!

Benson: Limo? I didn't order any limo.

Customs Officer: It's complimentary, the Tates ordered it for you.

Benson: They always did think highly of me. Alright sir, take me home!

Limousine

Benson: This is great.  Lots of food, a color television, what can be more fun that making fun of Chester?

Johnson in front: You mean what could be worse? Maybe crashing into a big wall with no driver.  Lets speed up shall we. This is where I get off.

<Johnson dives out of the limousine and Benson jumps out of the window right before it crashes.>

Benson: My suspicions were correct. Someone does seem to be following me.  I recognize that man from the hotel.  What could they possibly want with a Butler?  That airplane food isn't going well with my stomach now...

<Benson passes out seconds after and awakes tied up.>

Benson: This is not the Tate House!

Johnson: Of course not! Now cooperate and I will kill you rather painlessly. I gotta say, those poisoned roasted peanuts sure did the trick for you Benson!

Benson: Gasp!

Westers: Now exactly how much is in the Tates bank account?

Benson: $47,476,578,328.27

Johnson: Westers, can you imagine what we can do with all that money?????

Westers: Yes but first we must know where the money is hidden!!!!!

Johnson: Well it's pretty obvious.  The money is hidden in a bank in Connecticut.

Westers: Oh that's very good Johnson.  Why don't we just go to every single bank and try to take out the money.  Maybe one of them will have Chester's bank account in there. After the fifth try, I'm sure no one will get suspicious of two men trying to clear out fifty billion dollars!!!!!

Johnson: I don't think that was very fair of you Westers making fun of my intelligence.  I did the core of the work here.

Westers: Then why didn't you find out what bank we had to go to?  Why didn't you capture Benson's traveling items.  Why did you crash an expensive limousine.

Johnson: Never fear Westers, I knew exactly what I was doing.

Westers: If that's so, then get Benson to tell us what bank it is.

Johnson: I will do that.  Benson what bank is Mr. Tates money in?

Benson: Why would I ever tell you?

Johnson: He won't budge sir!!!

Westers: Must I do everything?

<Westers points a gun at Benson.>

Westers: Before I blow your brains out, tell me what bank Chester Tate's money is hidden!

Benson: In the first National Bank of Conneticut sir!

Westers: We will be rich!

Benson: You won't get away with this!

Johnson: Just watch!

First National Bank of Connecticut

Westers: Now that we are here give me the credit card Benson!

Benson: No

Johnson: (Aiming a gun at Benson) Give it to him now!!!!

Benson: Oh come on Johnson.  You holding a gun?  Do you really think that will work?  You will probably miss, or forget to have bullets in there.

<Westers grabs the gun from Johnson.>

Westers: Benson is probably right.  Now Benson, I don't screw up so give me the credit card!!!

Benson: Fine you got me now.

Johnson: Lets go to the vault!

Westers: It needs a security card!  Damnit!

Johnson: Get Ben.. where's Benson!? Westers!!! I lost Benson!!!!!

Westers: Then go after him?

<Benson tries to get away.>

Westers: Stop him now!!!!!

<Benson dives into the limosine and tries to drive away and heads home to the Tates. The camera shows Jessica reading a magazine and she looks up.>

Jessica: Oh my, I forgot you people were still here.  Well Benson should be here shortly and I think you would all like to know that unfortunately Billy and Leslie are not finished with each other yet.  It's been quite a while since they have seen each other but we all know nothing has ended between them.  Billy sure showed us he was a Tate by getting himself involved in this nonsense.  My dear sister Mary sure has been doing fine lately.  I mean you have to understand she's been going through a lot of stress with the baby possibly being an alien.  I mean she's been complaining lately that she's so concerned with the child she barely ever gets time to have any <she looks around and whispers> sex.  <Back in normal voice>  Burt is still the sheriff in town and Jodie was most recently cured with his old age mind problem. Danny was interested in Annie right?  Well forget about it, it seems as if Elaine is still alive and she recently was "forced to run off".  I'm not sure what happened with that but I know Danny did do a search and unfortunately she was no where to be found.  Danny has been involved with no other women because he still love Elaine.  Chuck and Bob are as nice as ever.  Bob actually recently visited me for Valentines Day.  He gave me a nice rose. It would have been better if Chester gave me one though.  That's the family story, so I wonder what's keeping Benson?  This is so not like him!

Outside of the Tates House

<The Limousine stops outside of the Tates House.  Benson leaves the car and
brushes off some dirt from his nice shirt.>

Benson: I never thought I would be saying this but it's great to be home!  I almost miss seeing Chester.  But let me emphasize on the word almost.

<Westers and Johnson get out of a car behind him with a gun and hold him up.>

Johnson: Alright Benson we've followed you here.  Now take us to the Tate's
house now.

Westers: That's right.  We know they have money but with that money they also have jewels to spend it on.  We can rob them of their money.

Johnson: Yes, I love shiny jewlery.

<Westers looks at Johnson very peculiar.>

Benson: You got me this time.  I'll direct you to their house.

<Johnson and Westers leave in a limousine unaware they were outside of the Tate's House.  They drive off.>

Tates House

Jessica: I just feel so close to Benson right now. I wish I knew where he was.  He's always be there for me when I was cheered up.  That stayed the same between both worlds of SOAP.   In case you were curious, Chester in this world was able to get around too, but I was nice to him I guess we can say. I let him stay in the house and with a little counseling he was just fine.  I know Benson will arrive any minute.  I always have those kind of instincts. Once I felt a great fortune would fall on our heads.  Little did I know the chandelier would crash down on the ground and cost us almost $300.

Governors Mansion

<Benson leads Johnson and Westers to the Governors house.  They are new to Dunn's River Conneticut so they don't know the difference between any rich house in the town.  They believe it's the Tate's House because a guard greeted Benson outside when he pulled in.>

Westers: Alright Benson lead us into the Parlor.  We know that's where all of the jewlery would be stored.

Benson: Okay men.

Westers: We're finally in the parlor.....

Johnson: Westers, what's a parlor?

Westers: A room your brain shouldn't be allowed to enter in!

Johnson: Oh, so it's like a library.

Westers: That's correct.  Now we're gonna be rich!!!!!

Benson: Oh I wouldn't be too sure of that men.

Police Officer Tinkler:Freeze!

Benson: You guys are so smart.  You should have known the parlor is closed on Sundays. Boy, you people are a bunch of numbskulls! Especially you Johnson!

Police Officer Tinkler: Johnson and Westers I presume?  Benson has been warning us about you for quite a few days.  I'm sure a couple years in jail would do you just fine.

Johnson: I will get you back Benso.....

<Johnson trips over the rug and knocks into Westers.  Westers falls down and bangs his head onto the floor.  Police Tinkler puts them in handcuffs and carries them out.>

Westers: You and your family!!!!  CURSE YOU ALL!!!!  I WILL RETURN!

Benson: Well Officer Tinkler, I'm off.

<The doorbell rings in the mansion.>

Police Officer Tinkler: Aren't you gonna get that?

Benson: I don't work here anymore.  I'm going back home.

Tates House

<Jessica is pacing back and forth looking a little worried.  The doorbell rings.  Jessica answers the door and Benson is there.  She hugs him kisses him on the cheek.>

Benson: I'm back Mrs. Tate.

Jessica: Oh Benson we have missed you so much!  Where have you been?  What took you so long to get home?

Benson: Oh it's a long story, and to be perfectly honest, it's nothing compared to any of yours.

Jessica:  Oh Benson you're great!!!  Everyone would love to see you!  Would you like any pie?  I baked it myself?

Benson: No that's quite alright.  I'm sure I'll get caught up with everything sooner or later.

Jessica: Ok, I'm going to call Chester, he's been dying to see you too. You'd be surprised how much he misses you.

Benson: Actually I would.  Oh wait, Mrs. Tate.  I may have to take a short trip tomorrow to pick some extra bags up that I left at the airport.  I had a slight problem when I got off my plane.

Jessica: Whatever you want Benson is yours.  I want you to feel like the family, working comes second here.

Benson: Good, well then if that's the case, could we purchase some peanuts? I'm quite hungry.

Jessica: Of course Benson.

Benson: I always like this place, for some reason.  There's not many places I'm the most sane man in.

<Benson sits down and goes to sleep as the camera fades to black.>

Announcer: What will happen to the Tates and Campbells now that Benson returned?  Have we seen the last of Johnson and Westers?  These two questions might be answered in the next episode of:

SOAP!!