Tates House

Narrator: We begin this episode where we left off, with tabloid reporters showing Jessica and Chester photos of Jessica with El Puerco.

Chester: Jessica, tell everyone this isn't you!!!

Jessica: It is Chester.

Chester: How could this be and when?

Jessica: This photograph was taken three years ago. Probably longer than that. You see remember we were going to get divorced Chester.

Chester: I know.

Jessica: But remember we never signed the divorce papers because the night before Danny was shot from that gangster Tibbs.

Chester: I remember.

Jessica: Well we decided that we wouldn't want to cause anymore family problems so we stayed together.

Chester: And we fell back in love together.

Jessica: Exactly and I haven't done a thing with El Puerco since then.

Chester: Do you promise?

Jessica: Yes.

Chester: Then you phony reporters can get out of my house!!!

Mr. Smith: Well then we also have reports of you Mr. Tate being arrested many times. Can we have a biography of you for our paper?

Chester: No!

<Chester slams the door on the reporter's face.>

Chester: I'm sorry everyone but with Benson out and Saunders cooking I didn't think about checking who was at the door before opening it.

Maurice: That's quite all right. Corinne I've been thinking, do you want to buy our own house somewhere not around here?

Corinne: I was actually thinking the same thing but Maurice it isn't going to work that way. Something always finds this family.

Jessica: That's right. Corinne once had the devil as a child.

<Maurice looks at Corinne.>

Corinne: What are you looking at me for? I told you about my family way before we got married!

Dr. Medlow's Office

Dutch: Eunice I don't want to be in here!

Eunice: It's for your own good Dutch!

Dutch: But I feel uncomfortable talking about our sex life to a stranger.

Eunice: Well consider we barely have one now there's not much to tell him. Plus Dutch don't you think he's heard all the stories in the world. I mean Burt went here!

Dutch: That's true.

<Dr. Medlow comes inside.>

Dr. Medlow: You must be Eunice Lightner and Dutch Lightner?

Eunice: Yes and it's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Medlow.

Dr. Medlow: The pleasure is mine. Let me see my papers. It seems that Dutch is having problems in the bedroom?

Dutch: Well I wouldn't really call it my problem but more something shutting down between me and Eunice.

Eunice: Please Dutch! I feel like a car being loaded with gas but when it's time for a refill the nozzle to the gas pump just won't give me any more fuel. This is all your fault! I have no problems!

Dr. Medlow: I would like for you to calm down Ms. Lightner.

Dutch: You see Dr. Medlow it's the pressure like that from Eunice that gives me these problems. She's always saying faster, slower, not that way to me. I can't help being impotent, would you want to be with a spoiled little bit...

Eunice: That's enough dear. Dr. Medlow as you can see this isn't my fault. Is there any therapy you can give him?

Dr. Medlow: My dear he doesn't need any therapy. He needs for you to back off of him for a little bit. He's only human you know!

Eunice: I know but I'm trying to make him the most useful human possible.

Dr. Medlow: And another thing, he's not a machine. I don't know what planet your from but it's hard for us men to do it whenever it's convenient for you. Making love is a two way path and if it's not fun or enjoyable for the other person how can you expect it to be perfect?

Eunice: But it used to be.

Dr. Medlow: Well by any chance did you two not see each other every night before you got married?

Eunice: Dutch use to be an escaped murderer and he would sneak into my bedroom every so often to make love with me.

Dr. Medlow: So you're an ex-convict?

Dutch: That's right.

Dr. Medlow: Why haven't you killed her for being so annoying?

Dutch: Well I'm past that phase.

Dr. Medlow: Oh that's good to hear. There have been way to many ex-murderer's in my office lately.

Eunice: So back to me please. What do you suggest?

Dr. Medlow: A vacation away from each other. Maybe just sleep in separate rooms every other night so when you two are together it's more exciting. I think Eunice you are pressuring Dutch and it makes it too unbearable for him to want to even make love with you.

Eunice: Not me, as I said it's all his fault.

Dr. Medlow: Well I'm telling you from my own personal opinion you need to back off and give him more room.

Eunice: Let's go Dutch, I want a second opinion, this guy is obviously a quack!

Dutch: Sorry about that doc. but as you can see she's very persistent and could be a real bit....

Eunice: Let's go Dutch!!

Dr. Medlow: Good luck Dutch.

Atlantic City Police Station

<Tom Martin and Benson are waiting in the police office and Police Officer Tinkler comes in.>

Tom: Thank you Tinkler for coming this far to help us.

Police Officer Tinkler: No problem Mr. Martin. Here's what we found.

Tom: What's this? It looks like a bank card?

Police Officer Tinkler: Very observant. Us policemen couldn't figure out what it was. One guy thought it was a Barnes and Noble gift certificate so we went there first but they wouldn't let us buy any books with it so I thought maybe it was a bank card but no, Police Officer Danbury insisted that it was Shoprite food card so went and bought about a dozen doughnuts but they...

Benson: We get the point. Whose card is it?

Police Officer Tinkler: It's Chester Tate's.

Benson: Westers and Johnson stole that last October. The Tates have had very little money since then. How much money is on the card?

Police Officer Tinkler: Well there was fifty-three cents but we didn't have enough for coffee at Starbucks so we had to deposit it and use it to pay for the rest of the coffee. There's no money left.

Benson: That's just wonderful.

Tom Martin: But we have a lead! Tinkler, where did you find this?

Police Officer Tinkler: We found it in a cheap hotel three blocks down from Trump Towers. Now we were thinking that maybe Westers and Johnson were staying in Trump Towers but one guy said that the card was found three blocks from it so we went three blocks down from where we found the card but that was a mistake because there was a big drug dealing center there and we almost got killed.

Benson: Shut up Tinkler we know where we're going.

Police Officer Tinkler: Good luck and have a great day!

Campbell's House

<Elaine is sitting down on the couch with Chuck playing cards. Chuck is dealing for three people but only two people are there.>

Elaine: Chuck what are you doing?

Chuck: I'm sorry, I forget Bob isn't here. It's been a long time since I've been alone.

Elaine: I don't know if I want to play cards anymore. You're very weird Chuck.

Chuck: I'm not weird, I'm just very lonely right now. Let's see how you feel all alone. Actually I'll see right now. Bye!

<Chuck runs upstairs.>

Elaine: I'd rather be alone than with that freak.

<Danny and Jodie come in. Jodie puts his coat away.>

Elaine: And how was your evening?

Danny: It was great! Those women were Amaz....

<Elaine looks at Danny.>

Danny: Well I wasn't really looking. You can ask Jodie.

Elaine: I honestly don't care. I thought maybe now we can go out and celebrate.

Danny: Celebrate?

Elaine: Remember? I was in the hospital just yesterday.

Danny: Oh yea. Sorry not tonight honey I'm full from pretzels.

Jodie: Danny take your wife out, she does deserve it.

Elaine: Thank you. He may not want to be one, but he sure talks how a real man should.

Jodie: Hey!

Elaine: Sorry Jodie.

Danny: Well Jodie did you enjoy yourself?

Jodie: As I told you many times in the car Danny, NO! I think I'm going to go upstairs and start writing my newest commercial.

Danny: Good luck Jodie.

<Danny watching Jodie walking upstairs. The second Jodie leaves Danny begins speaking.>

Danny: I'm really starting to believe he's gay Elaine.

Elaine: Well he did tell you that many times.

Danny: But he's my younger brother, he's not supposed to be!

Elaine: You can't help it if he is.

Danny: I know but he just can't be gay! That's why I have a new plan for him.

Elaine: Oh no, what?

Danny: I hired a stripper to come over to our house tomorrow night. Jodie has no idea but I think once he gets some private time with just her he will be straighter than the hairs on my chest.

Elaine: I really think you should tell Jodie. He has every right to know and this could turn out to be a waste of money. How much money did you spend anyway?

Danny: Not much.

Elaine: How much?

Danny: As I said, not that much money.

Elaine: How much isn't that much?

Danny: $75 for every half hour.

Elaine: Great! That means you spent $75!

Danny: It may turn out to be $150.

Elaine: It won't. Jodie won't want her and this is a waste of our money. You know you're going to work extra at the police station to make up this money.

Danny: I know.

Elaine: Now go upstairs I just want to be alone. You've driven me crazy.

<Danny goes upstairs.>

Elaine: This was supposed to be my night......

Campbell's House (Hours Later)

Burt and Mary's Bedroom

<Mary is packing a suitcase and putting on a trench coat. Burt comes in their bedroom looking suspicious.>

Burt: Are we going somewhere?

Mary: No, I am.

Burt: Where?

Mary: To Washington D.C. I'll be back tomorrow night.

Burt: Why?

Mary: I have to meet with some people.

Burt: What do you have in your hand?

Mary: It's nothing.

<Burt pulls the slip of paper from her hand and reads it and starts laughing.>

Mary: What?

Burt: Your paper. Why would you go to the FBI?

Mary: I have an appointment tomorrow.

Burt: Wait a second. This isn't what I think it's for. What bureau are going to?

Mary: It doesn't matter.

Burt: Where are you going?

Mary: Nowhere.

Burt: Mary...

Mary: The X-Files.

<Burt is laughing harder.>

Burt: And let me guess, you're going to inquire about Scotty being an alien?

Mary: Well actually I am.

Burt: WHY? He's a perfectly healthy baby.

Mary: Who may not be yours! He could be an alien Burt.

Burt: He's not an alien Mary. I think you're crazy. I really do.

Mary: Well my train is in a few hours I have to leave.

Burt: Fine Mary. Call me when you get there. Oh and I still have the knob from the spaceship I was on downstairs in the drawer, you should bring that for evidence. And when they do find my spaceship and the silvermen, tell them to say hi to Saul for me.

Mary: Burt take me seriously. He is not a normal child.

Burt: You're not the most normal mother either Mary. Most moms don't insist their children fly.

<The telephone rings and Mary picks it up.>

Mary: Burt it's Benson. He wants to speak to you.

<Burt picks up the phone.>

Burt: Hey Bens....okay I won't call you that anymore. What's up? You did? Can you have priority mail send it over now?

<Burt hangs up the phone.>

Mary: What was that about.

Burt: Benson said the police found Chester's bank card. They are sending it over so I get it tomorrow morning. Don't you see what this means?

Mary: Not really.

Burt: All evidence pointed to Jessica using Chester's bank card to buy the supplies for the bomb. It will show that when the supplies were bought Jessica was in the hospital from the Tate House attack. Before we believed false information was supplied about the buying incriminating Jessica as the main suspect for the bombing. Now that we have Chester's actual bank card we will prove Jessica was set up and she won't be executed!

Mary: But we need to prove that soon. Jessica is going for her blood test later this week and next Saturday she's going to be on the chair. Please hurry Burt!

Burt: I will.

Mary: I'll be home as soon as possible.

<Burt and Mary kiss.>

Narrator: Can Burt gather enough evidence that Jessica was framed for the Tate House bombing in time? This question might be answered in the next episode of

SOAP!