| Featuring: |
       |
| Also Featuring: |
Dale Westers Ron Johnson |
| Written By: |
Adam |
collect his baggage.
Airplane
<Benson is flying a
special private plane. He is the only passenger on
the
three seater.>
Benson: It's only been 24 hours since I returned to the Tates house and already bickering and arguing is starting. These Tates are a bunch of animals. When I return home later today I might as well put them all in a cage and carefully feed them food through bars. Except for Mr. Tate, I'd rather see him put behind sound proof glass.
<The camera changes to the front of the airplane. The pilot has been knocked out cold. The camera views up and Westers and Johnson are standing there with a crow bar in Johnson's hand.>
Westers: Funny how they release us from jail because there wasn't enough room.
Johnson: Stupid politics from none other than Sheriff Campbell.
Westers: Now before we do anything risky, let's check to make sure we have all of the materials. Do you have a parachute?
Johnson: Of course I do!
Westers: Okay, then here's a better question. Do you know how to use one?
Johnson: What do you take me for? You think a man who knows how to knock out a pilot doesn't know how to work a parachute? Sometimes I wonder about you. Everyone knows you jump out of the airplane and the parachute opens up for you!
Westers: Ummm, yes that's correct Johnson.
Johnson: Told you I knew how to work one!
Westers: Click the lever Johnson and we're out of here! Benson is getting what he deserves this time! No one will be able to stop us now on our quest to the Tates' House!
<Johnson pulls down the lever and the plane quickly loses altitude. Benson is shown getting worried. He goes into the cabin and sees that no one is in there but the pilot who is out cold. Benson quickly grabs the steering wheel.>
Benson: This shouldn't be much more different that cooking a pot roast!!!!!!!
Tates' House
<Chester comes walking in and when he sees Jessica he quickly goes and hugs her.>
Chester: Oh Jessica, I still love you greatly!
Jessica: I know Chester, there's no reason in the world why you shouldn't. If you remember correctly, I'm not the floozy in the family.
Chester: Jessica, you have to stop this poor attitude towards me. I'm the reason all this money is coming into the house.
Jessica: You're right Chester. I'm sorry. I should never have doubted you this past week.
Chester: I told you the truth Jessica, even though the lady did want my body, I told her I'm a new man and I can only do that kind of stuff with one person.
Jessica: Well Chester I'm glad you've finally came to your senses about us.
Chester: I'm especially glad of that too!!! We can finally live happily ever after. Well, except for one small thing.
Jessica: And that is what dear?
Chester: Why is Benson back???? I don't like him!!! And he makes fun of me!
Jessica: Grow up Chester.
Chester: Can't we hire someone else?
Jessica: You know perfectly well as I do that no one else could deal with our family like Benson can!
Chester: That may very well be the case, but he doesn't like me!
Jessica: Just be on your best behavior and I'm sure you will get dinner served fine.
Chester: Okay Jessica, but if I don't I want the right to look for a new butler!
Jessica: Fine Chester, but just remember, you already fired Saunders, I don't need you firing everyone else. Maybe it's you that they can't put up with!!!
Chester: JESSICA! How can you tell me that I'm hard to put up with? I just ask every morning for breakfast served with a certain amount of calories, orange juice freshly squeezed, and a bagel with low-fat creamy cream cheese. Is that too hard to ask for?
Jessica: Well.... Chester, you could ask for hard-boiled eggs and coffee!
Chester: All right Jessica, I will!! For now on you will see a new man. An easy going Chester Tate! I'm not happy about that, but I will do it! For you dear!
Jessica: Oh thank you Chester.
Chester: I'm off to work now so I'll see you later tonight! It may be a late night Jessica, you know, we have a lot of construction to do.
<Chester leaves the house.>
Jessica: Oh Chester Tate you are so full of it!!! How can anyone do construction at night time! I might as well hire a detective to follow you around all the time. But then again, if it's a woman, you'll end up in bed with her too!!!!!
<Jessica walks away angry and she hears a knocking on her window. It's El Puerco. He trying to get in.>
Jessica: EL! How many times have I told you that I'm happily married to Chester. If you are going to be after me, I will have to now allow you to stay in my house. Good-bye!
<Jessica slams the window on El Puercho's fingers. He falls down.>
Jessica: I wish I really was happy....
Campbell's House
<Mary is sitting impatiently for Burt to arrive home. Burt walks in slowly trying not to wake up anyone in the house in case they are sleeping.>
Mary: Burt your home!
<Burt is startled as Mary jumps right into him. He is half asleep as it is.>
Burt: Mary I told you I was going to come home late on because of a case. What are you still doing up?
Mary: Oh Burt, the baby is an alien!!!!!
Burt: Mary will you cut it out! It is two in the morning!!!!! I want you to get some sleep.
Mary: He shattered glass from his crying!
Burt: Good, he will go in the opera when he's older. Now I want to go to bed and sleep.
Mary: He was crying! The glass shattered! That's not normal. Jodie and Danny both never cried and shattered glass.
Burt: That's because Danny would be too dumb to and Jodie was busy playing with dolls. Now let me go to bed and rest.
Mary: Okay Burt, I didn't want to tell you this, but I saw him flying!
Burt: Flying?
Mary: Yes.
Burt: Have you been drinking again?
Mary: No Burt!!! I swear I haven't had a sip of alcohol for days!
Burt: You're lying! You see our child flying and you think I'm going to believe you!
Mary: Bob saw it too!
Burt: And where was Chuck?
Mary: Taking a nap!!!! Bob always likes watching Scotty when Chuck is napping. It keeps him quiet.
Burt: Mary you need some help. Go see Dr. Medlow. Remember, the guy you sent me to when I thought I was invisible.
Mary: But you really thought you were invisible.
Burt: And you think you see aliens. Now go to bed!
Mary: You know it's possible Burt. Don't forget you were once abducted too.
Burt: Yes, and all them looked like silver three foot tall horny aliens!!!! Now is our child silver?
Mary: He had jaundice.
Burt: Oh this is too much, I'm going to bed.
<As Burt begins walking upstairs Danny and Jodie walk in. Burt looks at them and sees that Jodie doesn't look right.>
Burt: It's very late Danny. What is wrong with Jodie?
Danny: Jodie still has some problems remembering everything.
Burt: I'm sure it's hard to remember everything in your life when 24 hours ago you were an old Jewish man. Hey Jodie maybe you remember this? Did you see my son Scotty flying around the ceiling? You're crazy mother believes your brother is an alien!
Jodie: I have another brother? Why didn't you tell me about that yet Danny?
Danny: I haven't gotten to that point in history yet.
Jodie: I understand good man.
Danny: Let's visit your daughter Wendy.
Jodie: I have a daughter? I thought I wasn't married.
Burt: Oh my! You are all crazy!! I'm going to bed. Mary, you can join me if you want, but the second you wake me up to tell me that our child is flying or shattering glass or looks silver, I'm sleeping on the couch!
Outside in a Wooded Area
<Benson comes out from the bushes with a few cuts on his face.>
Benson: Okay, so flying was a little bit harder than a pot roast. I don't care what clothes I may have in my suitcase, the Tates have millions of dollars, they can loan me some to buy some new shirts. That is of course if Johnson and Westers, who I suspect were behind this don't get there first! I'm heading back home, this is ridiculous!
Tates House (next morning)
<The camera is outside of the Tates front door. Westers and Johnson pulls up in front of it.>
Westers: Now Johnson are you sure this is the right house?
Johnson: I sure did. I found directions on the Internet.
Westers: Smart Johnson. You let a computer rule over your brain. Now we don't want Jessica to see Chester's murder so we must go knock her out first. Then we find Chester. After we nail him we take his bank card and leave. First we kill Benson, now we're going to get rid of Jessica Tate, and then Chester. It's three in one day. We are two vicious criminals.
Johnson: Just one thing, do you think we will be allowed to use their bathroom after we kill them?
Westers: I don't see any reason why not. I mean sure by the time we get Chester any other member of the Tate household could arrive home and call the police on us. But that's all right, if you gotta go, then you gotta go!
Johnson: That's right!
Tates' Bathroom
<Chester is singing in the shower. The camera looks up on the ceiling and you see two shadows nearing him. He gets knocked down and is screaming.>
To Be Continued....
Announcer: Will Benson arrive home before Westers and Johnson steal the Tates money? Will Burt believe Mary and believe the baby is an alien? Do you believe Mary? Will Jodie ever get all of his memory back or will be still be a mixture of an old Jewish gay man? Will Jessica ever confront Chester that she knows he's still fooling around? Will she be able to confront him since Westers and Johnson have gotten to him first? These questions and many others may be answered in the next episode of:
SOAP!