Episode 26

Burt: You're one of the few people I can talk to since you understand the family so well. The aliens are after my family, my wife is now a spendthrift, and Danny, well he's just dumb.

<The camera goes inside to the other end of the curtan where Father Tim is sitting.>

Father Tim: Burt? Well either way, just stick with your faith and believe in yourself. I doubt things will ever fall for the worse. You've maintained a little bit of normality for the amount of time I've known you and I'm sure you can stick with it. Never fear Burt, you have money, shelter, warmth, things will get better.

Burt: Thanks Tim.

Father Tim: It's no problem at all Burt.

Burt: It's just that Mary all of the sudden doesn't seem to care about anything but shopping. Scotty was kidnapped by the Alien me, and Mary wants to buy the latest sale at Macy's.

Father Tim: That is peculiar.

Burt: Danny doesn't even know how to open a door, Elaine has left him, Chuck has gone of vacation to get away from Bob and Jodie has his own matters never under control.

Father Tim: Well it seems that a lot of stuff needs to be worked upon.

Burt: I think I'm the one who needs a vacation...

<Burt walks up and leaves sad as ever.>

Tom: That's just disgusting.

Julie: I'm appaled. I told him that too.

Tom: What did he say?

Julie: He acted as if he didn't know me.

Tom: I hope she kicks him out of the house. From what Benson has told me, it's not the first time Chester has pulled stunts like this.

Julie: Jessica is just such a wonderful person, she doesn't deserve for this to happen to her.

Tom: I totally agree with you Jules.

<The doorbell rings. Tom answers it and it's Alice with two suitcases.>

Alice: I'm home.

Tom: Who are you?

Alice: It's me your daughter!

Tom: I don't have a daughter? <He laughs and hugs Alice.>

Alice: I"m sorry. The Tates definately aren't my parents!

Julie: We told you that.

Alice: Would you believe I need to be out of bed at 7 every morning so Benson can change my sheets. I can't live under a schedule.

Tom: Welcome home.

Alice: Well I'm not totally convinced you're my parents and I'm going to do some research about it too, but for the time being, I guess I can settle being a Martin. It sure beats being a Tate.

Julie: Well if you're Chester it is...

<They all hug each other.>

Jodie: How does my little Wendy like playing catch?

Wendy: Caaarol.

Jodie: What?

Wendy: Carol.

Jodie: That's your first word!

Wendy: Carol...Carol....Carol.

Jodie: Stop saying that!!!

Wendy: Mommy.

Jodie: What's the matter with you Wendy? You're going to be punished in one second!

Wendy: Mommy Carol.

Jodie: That's it, we're taking a trip to Texas tomorrow. If it's your mother you want to meet, then I'm not stopping you like she was going to stop me from meeting you!

Jessica: I made it clear that you were to never come back in here again.

Chester: I can explain Jess I really can.

Jessica: There's no need for explanation Chester Tate.

Chester: Your right Jessica, please just give me one more chance.

Jessica: Who was she Chester?

Chester: Who?

Jessica: The woman.

Chester: Oh I don't remember.

Jessica: No I want an honest answer. Who was she?

Chester: I really don't know. I have a disease Jessica I told you that.

Jessica: Yes and we all know the medicine is skin.

Chester: But Jessica I can't help it. I find young, attractive women and I buy them a meal and then have cheap wild sex with them.

Jessica: Why?

Chester: I'm getting old Jessica. I only have about ten years left in me with all the stress I've gone through. All I want is a little action before then.

Jessica: Why can't we have a nice sex life?

Chester: You're my wife. I could never be cheap and tawdy with you like I am with those women.

Jessica: Why? Deep down you respect me so you cheat on me and make me feel like the lowest part of earth.

Chester: Well if you put it like that, yes.

Jessica: Please Chester pack your bags. No second chances, no pool house. Just move out and don't ever step foot 50 feet from here. I will find a lawyer and we will be divorced.

Chester: Jessica!

Jessica: No Chester. I had my chance with another man but I didn't take up his offer because I still was in love with you. Now I am going to live my life like I should have.

Chester: You wouldn't cheat on your husband.

Jessica: Next week you won't be my husband Chester.

<Jessica sends Chester out of the kitchen and cries.>

Burt: Oh Peter how I miss you. Since you've been gone so many problems have risen in this family. Your step-brother Danny's wife Elaine was killed so we went looking for the murderers but instead I was abducted by a spaceship. They send down a double of me and he had sex with Mary. I came home and a few weeks later Mary became pregnant. She had a beautiful child but we determined it may not be mine because the alien made love with her too. And now the aliens are back and they took Scotty, your step-brother. I could use my real son to talk to. I know Chuck is here but....he's Chuck. Danny is as dumb as a door and Jody just left for Texas a few hours ago. Mary doesn't seem like Mary anymore. She's a shopaholic and already two of our credit cards have gone over the limit. I can't find Scotty and the crime rate in Dunn's River has gone over the limit. I think it's time I throw the hat down and just relax. I'm under too much stress. I miss you Peter.

<Burt starts crying and a large lightning bolt is shown hitting Burt. Burt is shocked and falls down onto the ground. He's unconcious, most likely dead. The camera fades to black.....>