Episode 37

Mrs. David: Jodie what's the matter?

Jodie: Oh I'm so glad you could come right over Mrs. David. There's no problem. I just wanted to know something.

Mrs. David: Oh what?

Jodie: Well you are single on this cruise and all so I was just wondering what you might have thought of this one guy.

Mrs. David: Oh Jodie, you're setting me up with a man? How nice of you. I should set you up with a man too.

Jodie: That's quite all right. Yes, this man is very interested in you. He personally asked me if you would be interested in meeting him for a cocktail later this evening.

Mrs. David: Well what's his name?

Jodie: You should know him. Bob Campbell.

Mrs. David: Oh.

Jodie: Yes Bob. He's a big hunk of wood if you know what I mean.

Mrs. David: He's wood Jodie, he's not real!

Jodie: He's just as real as any man. He can also be all yours.

Mrs. David: I don't know. He's not real.

Jodie: Of course he is. You've heard him talk.

Mrs. David: That's Chuck speaking.

Jodie: Well from what I heard, Bob wandered off. I think he left Chuck in order to be with you.

Mrs. David: Really?

<A note slips underneath Jodie's room. Jodie picks it up.>

Jodie: Oh it's labeled for you Mrs. David. It must be from a special someone.

Mrs. David: Let's see. It says, "I miss you by the minute and want to spend a special evening looking at sunsets with you. My beautiful angel".

Jodie: Who wrote that?

Mrs. David: Bob signed it. Wow those are wonderful words. I might consider this date.

Jodie: WHAT?

Mrs. David: Well he seems very romantic when he's away from Chuck.

Jodie: So you might actually date this guy? You wouldn't be freaked out by kissing a hunk of wood?

Mrs. David: Please, you saw my ex-husband. He makes Bob look like a prince.

Jodie: But he's a doll.

Mrs. David: So are you. You are such a doll for looking for a man to be with me. Thanks!

<Mrs. David walks out with Jodie looking very confused.>

El Puerco: What do you want you stupid dogs?

Pound Owner: Shut up in there you dumb flea-bag!

El Puerco: Excuse me...have you ever heard a dog talk before?

Pound Owner: I'm too drunk to even understand what you're asking me you poor excuse for a mutt!

El Puerco: Well the fact of the matter is I am not a dog, but really a hero who tried to stop communism!

Pound Owner: Well is that so? I don't really care! In this pound you follow the law by me! And I say Shutup!!

<Juan 1 and Juan 2 walk inside the pound. They go talk to the dog-owner.>

Juan 1: I'm looking for a dog.

Pound Owner: I don't know why you would want to come here. These dogs are the dirtiest mutts you will ever find!

Juan 2: Oh look at the dog in that cage!

<El Puerco bangs on his cage for their attention.>

Juan 1: We're not looking for dogs you idiot! Remember? We are looking for El!

<El Puerco starts barking at them!>

Pound Owner: Shut up!

Juan 1: These dogs certainly don't know about quiet do they?

Pound Owner: They keep me up all night long. They are all a bunch of lousy mutts!

Juan 2: Hey Juan look over there! It looks like El!

Pound Owner: Oh yes, we just got him in. I'll sell you that rare dog who apparently fought communism for $80.

Juan 2: We don't have that kind of money!

Juan 1: What are you doing? Of course we do!

<Juan 1 gives the man the money.>

Juan 2: But that was for the strip club later!

Juan 1: We have more important things to do!

<El Puerco is taken out of the cage and they go outside of the pound to talk.>

El Puerco: Thank God you men found me!

Juan 1: We have a severe problem sir.

El Puerco: I know, I'm covered with fleas. That damn major locked me up in here!

Juan 1: Ricardo Saverez is back.

<El Puerco gasps.>

El Puerco: That's horrible!

Juan 1: Yes and he wants to finish the war.

El Puerco: But I thought he was dead?

Juan 1: So did we. He faked his death 10 years ago to only reappear last month. This is bad sir. We must fight the war with him!

Juan 2: We don't even have a base!

El Puerco: Of course we do! We can use Red's house. They are away on vacation. No one will ever know what we were doing!

Juan 1: That is a wonderful idea!

El Puerco: Just watch out for that Major. He has booby-trapped the entire house. He almost killed me before!

Juan 1: El this is just like old times. Fighting the wars in your ex-lovers house.

El Puerco: Yes what a wonderful life we had....

Chester: Jessica!

Jessica: Chester you better have a good explanation for this!

Chester: I do. Don't you even remember? Last night. During dinner when we were at the bar.

Jessica: Chester Tate I never went to the bar once last night.

Chester: You did dear. You drank a lot too.

Jessica: That's a lie!

Chester: No it's not. I was drinking too.

Jessica: So we came here and just had sex?

Chester: Did we?

Jessica: I don't remember?

Chester: Well I certainly don't have any recollection of that.

Jessica: But what were you doing here?

Chester: I was in bed I guess sleeping.

<Chester scratches his arm and sees that there is something in one of his pockets. He pulls out what looks to be a wrapper.>

Chester: Oh Jess....

Jessica: What is that?

Chester: I think you know.

Jessica: A condom...

<Jessica takes the wrapper and reads it.>

Jessica: Ribbed for his pleasure? You can't do anything to please a woman can you?

Chester: Jessica this isn't the time for this. Plus I don't even use that kind of protection.

Jessica: Then what was it doing in your pocket?

Chester: I really don't know!

Jessica: But apparently we used it right?

Chester: I guess.

Jessica: We used it together?

Chester: I do assume that.

Jessica: Can you act a little more concerned then that?

Chester: It's no big deal for me.

Jessica: Of course not, you're a man. This is what you do with random people every night. In case you didn't realize though Chester, we were married!

Chester: And planning on trying to work things out again.

Jessica: Well this isn't the way I was thinking of it.

Chester: Oh and this was my idea of a perfect evening?

Jessica: Probably not, you know my name.

Chester: That was a low blow Jess. And you know what? I still don't even know if this is all true. We should really investigate this more.

Jessica: Investigate? What do you want me to call Detective Donahue and have him inspect us and the room to see if we had sex?

Chester: Whatever makes you happy Jessica.

Jessica: I'm going for breakfast! Don't follow me. Don't eat at my table. Just don't even go down to the dining area. This never happened!!

<Jessica storms out of the room.>

Chester: I wish I remembered last night....

Billy: So many beautiful ladies and it's amazing how not a single one even notices me on the boat. It's as if I'm in high school all over again. Whatever, it's only the first day. Maybe I'll meet someone for breakfast.

<Billy goes and opens the door to the stairs. He walks in and it shuts behind him. He sees many video screens. Each one has one of the Tates, Campbell's, and Martins room with their room labeled on the screen.>

Billy: I don't think this is the dining lounge...

<Billy gets nailed to the back of the head with a wrench and he falls over. The camera goes to the video screens spying on the families.....>