Mrs. David

El Puerco

Westers

Johnson

Juan 1

Jessica: Be quiet Chester.  I'm only doing this to find where everyone is.

Chester: Oh.

Jessica: Do you think everyone is planning a surprise birthday party for me?

Chester: That's a very big possibility, except that your birthday is in 3 months.

Jessica: That's why it's a surprise.  I wouldn't expect it now.

Chester: Good thinking.  

<Jessica and Chester hear the same noise that Burt and Mary heard in the last episode.  They go to the door.>

Jessica: Should we go in?

Chester: I don't know.  I've seen 100 different scary movies where someone goes into a room like this.  The main character always dies when that happens.

Jessica: Good to think positive Chester.

Chester: Sorry.  I do think you should go in first dear.

<Jessica gives him a look.>

Chester: Fine I'll go in.

Jessica: And don't call me dear.  What happened last night never really happened.

Chester: Actually I'm starting to remember it happening.

Jessica: Well I don't and I don't believe it happened.

Chester: Well I'm going in now.  Wish me luck.

<Chester opens the door and Jessica follows him.  He goes and sees the television monitors.>

Chester: Look there's a video of your room Jessica!

Jessica: And look there's Tom and Julie in their room.  It's spying on everyone!

<Chester turns around to see Burt, Mary and Billy all tied up.>

Chester: Look Jessica.

Jessica: Oh my!  What happened to all of you.

<Jessica and Chester go to untie them as they both get knocked out with 2 chairs.  Westers and Johnson is standing above all of the families.>

Eunice: Oh...Dutch you scared me.  Look we had a burglar come in here!

Dutch: Really?  Is the burglar's name Eunice?  I saw you do all of this!

Eunice: I'm sorry Dutch, I was just looking for something.

Dutch: The money?

Eunice: Yes.

Dutch: What for?

Eunice: I wanted to buy my own cabana boy.  

Dutch: We're not spending my money on that.  I have other things in mind.

Eunice: Like what?

Dutch: I really haven't figured that out yet but I know it's not on some cabana boy.

Eunice: When will you spend it?

Dutch: When we get off the boat at our first stop.  I mean Eunice this is only our third day.

Eunice: I know but I want to spend the money!

Dutch: I promise we will eventually.  Now would you like me to tape the check to the ceiling again?  It's been about 8 hours.

Eunice: Oh why not...

<Dutch starts to get out the tape as Eunice looks very disappointed.>

Juan 1: As sure the hair that grows on your back.

El Puerco: He knows that I reside here?

Juan 1: This was your last public address when you were living here with Red.

El Puerco: That is true.  Well, we must prepare.   

<The Major comes down and he pulls out a gun at all three of them.>

The Major: What do you men think you are even doing?

El Puerco: Major how happy I am to see you.

<El Puerco goes to give The Major a small hug but The Major pushes him off.>

The Major: Don't even play these games with me.  We got a war to fight!

El Puerco: You know about it?

The Major: Know about it? Eisenhower should be here any minute for a meeting that I arranged.

El Puerco: Then do you have any ideas what we should do with Ricardo Saverez?

The Major: Ricardo?  He sounds foreign yet I never heard of him.

El Puerco: He's a very dangerous man and we are fighting a war against him.

The Major: A war?  Here?  We're due for battle?

El Puerco: That's right.  Now I think we need some tanks.  Would you like to have the honor of getting us some tanks?

The Major: I most definitely would!  I'll be back in a few hours!  

<El Puerco salutes the Major and The Major salutes him back.  The Major walks out of the house.>

El Puerco: What a crazy old man.

Danny: Maybe the man got the rooms mixed up?

Jodie: I don't think so.  Mrs. David had a do not disturb sign on her door.  

Elaine: Maybe she was changing?

Jodie: Maybe.  But the fact is she hasn't come out of her room in 24 hours since she took Bob with her.  

Danny: Yes that is quite disturbing.  You know, our family has some strange issues.

Elaine: You just figured that right?
Danny: No I've been always thinking about it.  See, this notebook has a journal of every record that goes on in our family.

Elaine: Why would you do that?  

Danny: Well I've always had a dream of producing my own television series.  So I was thinking one day, when I'm moved out and went on my own I'd invest time in this series.

Elaine: Based upon our families?

Danny: Yes we would have The Tates, Campbell's and I guess Martins all on it.

Jodie: Who would want to watch a show about that?

Danny: Anyone.  We would have you trying to get the sex-change operation, me and Elaine first meeting.  I think the series would be a classic.  I just don't know who would be perfect to play me?

Elaine: Actually the idea for the show doesn't sound that horrible.  Maybe you should go and suggest it.

Jodie: Are you serious?  No one wants to watch that!

Danny: You think so Elaine?

Elaine: Yes of course.  I'll help you out putting together the shows too.

Danny: That would be excellent.  I'm going to go downstairs and make a press-call now to an agent who I've always been in contact with and he can get me a meeting maybe at some television studio.

<Danny excitedly runs out.>

Jodie: Now that he's gone, do you actually believe a show would work?

Elaine: Not really, but I took away his sax, I can't take away his other dream.

<Mrs. David knocks on their open door.>

Elaine: Come in.

Mrs. David: Thanks.  I knew I would find you here Jodie.  I just wanted to thank you for introducing me to such a wonderful man like Bob.  He's so understanding, caring, and a great listener.

Jodie: What?

Mrs. David: Yes, he's perfect.  So I wanted to announce that we are getting married.

Jodie: For real?

Mrs. David: Yes, when we stop off at an island tomorrow I'm taking a private jet back to Texas for our wedding.  Thank you very much for introducing me to him.

Jodie: Well it's no problem.  It's to return the favor for you saving my life with Maggie and Carol.

Mrs. David: Anytime.  Bye now!

<Mrs. David leaves and Jodie and Elaine just look at each other blankly.>

Elaine: That's one crazy woman.

Jodie: She's marrying a doll.  She's marrying a doll.

Elaine: Chuck's doll.  What is he going to do when we tell him that Bob is getting married before he does?

Jodie: That is a very good question....

<Burt opens his eyes after possibly faking being knocked out.>

Westers: Mr. Campbell is getting up.  Wake the rest of them.

<Johnson gets the rest of the family woken up.  They look around and are very confused.>

Westers: Welcome.  As you all know, you're going to die.  No one is here to save you and no one can stop us.  We don't want your money this time, we just want your lives.

Johnson: You ruined our criminal paths and now we're going to ruin your luxurious lives.

Chester: You're sick!

Westers: Yes, but at least we're going to be alive.  We're going to set a timer and in 15 minutes the room will be smoked up.  You will all die from smoke inhalation.  Oh and Mr. Tate, I know you wish you slept with Jessica but the fact is we spiked the drinks and set up the entire scene with you two thinking you slept with each other and you obviously fell for it.

Chester: You jerks.  

Jessica: Calm down Chester.  This isn't the time.

Westers: Exactly, there is no time.  You only have 15 minutes.  No one will ever know of this room as we're covering it up.  No one will ever know of your bodies.  I hope this has been the vacation of your dreams, it has been for us!

<Westers and Johnson leave.>

Chester: Jessica, I'm sorry.  I really do love you.

Jessica: I know, and to be honest, I still love you too.  

Chester: Jessica, if we do get out of here alive, will you remarry me?

Jessica: Yes!

Chester: Oh, I never thought I'd see the day we'd be married again!

Billy: Well you're only going to have ten minutes to remember it.

Mary: Burt do something!

Burt: What do you expect me to do?  I'm a sheriff, no super hero.

<All of the sudden two Burt's pop up on Burt's shoulders.  They are wearing their Super Soup uniform.  One has on devil wings and the other looks like he's an angel.>

Devil Burt: You know, Burt you're going to survive this no matter what so you might as well let them die.

Angel Burt: Don't let them die.  Show them your true colors.  They will be so proud of you.

Devil Burt: They will never forgive you for keeping a secret like this from them.

Angel Burt: They will love you for saving their lives.

Devil Burt: Let them die.

Angel Burt: Keep them alive!

<They both zap off of his shoulders.  Burt doesn't know what to do.  Smoke starts filtering the room.  Everyone is coughing.  Burt just looks like he doesn't know if she should save them and reveal his identity or if he should let them die and keep the secret alone.>

To Be Continued.....