SOAP: The Alternate Reality - Episode 5

Tates House

<Chester is pacing back and forth crying.>

Eunice: Daddy I don't know why you are reacting this way.  Mother will be perfectly fine and I know she will be found.

Chester: It's not mother!  I only have a half dollar in my account!  How in the world can I afford a wardrobe with no money?

Eunice: You don't need to worry about that problem anymore.  I already told you Dutch found a job.  He will earn a living until we claim our money.

Chester: How can that twit work anywhere? 

Eunice: For the record, he's working at another construction company. 

Chester: Oh that's good.  The mans afraid of heights!  We needed to build an elevator for him in the office before because he couldn't climb a freaking ladder! 

<Dutch comes in with a sad face.  Eunice runs over to give him a hug.>

Eunice: Oh Dutch how was your first day at work?

Dutch: It was my last day.  It was horrible.

Eunice: What happened?

Dutch: Well they put me behind the wrecking ball.  I knew it was a mistake too.  I warned them, but the owner said if I could own Campbell's and Son I could easily use one of these machines.

Eunice: Well what happened?

Dutch: I was controlling the machine perfectly fine and then I had a twitch in my nose.  I tried to hold the sneeze, I swear it!  But it was too late.  I sneezed and rammed my face into the lever and took out the wrong building. 

Eunice: Well are you okay?

Dutch: I'm fine, but the people in that building weren't. 

Chester: So they fired you?

Dutch: That's right big guy.  They also slapped a lawsuit on us.

Chester: Well did you tell them we had no money?

Dutch: Yes and then they said they will see us in court soon.

Chester: This is turning into the worst day of my life!!

Eunice: It will be all right, don't worry dad, I'm sure Dutch will find another job.

Dutch: Oh no I won't!  Working is now out of the question.  Eunice, you find a job!

Eunice: DUTCH!  How dare you ask me to find work!  Never has a female Tate ever gotten a job in their life.

Dutch: Then what do you Tate women expect?  The man to come home with the paycheck while you have a servant on your beck and call whenever you need help?

Chester and Eunice: Yes!

Dutch: Well then fine, when Benson arrives home I can ask for some food too, if getting on my feminine side will allow me to never work again, then I sure as hell will enjoy it!

A Crashing Bus

Leslie: Revenge is mine!

<Billy is in complete shock.>

Billy: Leslie please stop the bus.  If you need money I can help.  If you need a place to stay I can help you look but I want my life back.

Leslie: Not this time Billy.  We're both going down!

<The bus is shown flying over the overpass.>

An Out Of Control Taxi

Benson: We are going to crash in their front door!  I hope they don't take it out of my paycheck.

Martin: Not like they have any money now to pay you with!

Benson: I'm sure they have insurance.

<The taxi crashes right into the door and you hear a doorbell sound.>

Benson: Want me to get that?

<Benson passes out after saying that.>

Boarding Helicopter

<Westers and Johnson are shoving a tied up Jessica in the helicopter.>

Jessica: Where are you taking me?

Johnson: To a warehouse in...

<Westers slaps Johnson on the back of his head.>

Johnson: What did you do that for?

Westers: If you tell her she will know where our hideout is!

Johnson: She wouldn't do that!  Jessica seems like a very nice lady.

Westers: You can't seriously be that dumb.  We are taking her hostage of course she would tell her family the second she got the chance where we are! Her brother in law is the sheriff!

Johnson: I think I voted for him...

Jessica: Can you please just notify my family?

Westers: Certainly....NOT!  Get up on the plane and keep your mouth shut lady!  Lets get ready for liftoff!

Tates' House

Mary: Did you hear that noise?

Saunders: It sounded like a crash!

Chester: Maybe it's the thief's who stole my money!

<Burt looks out the window on comes back.>

Burt: Nope, it's Benson and some other guy.

Eunice: Benson's back!  We have to let him in.

Chester: What about my money?

Eunice: Cool it daddy, Benson may be hurt.

Chester: Always tend the butler first.

Mary: Does anyone recognize the man he's with?

Burt: Nope, never seen him in my life.

Mary: Well lets help them in.

A Crashed Bus

<As the bus flies off the overpass a giant accident starts.  Billy races out of the bus and is stopped by Police Officer Tinkler.>

Billy: Leslie must have really meant business this time. I hope I never see her again.

Police Officer Tinkler: Do I always have to deal with the Tates on these issues.

Billy: Sorry sir. 

Police Officer Tinkler: What happened?

Billy: Leslie Walker knocked out the driver and tried to kill me.

Police Officer Tinkler: What is with your family?  First you have two criminals trying to steal your money and then Leslie Walker tried killing you.

Billy: Two criminals?  When did this happen?

Police Officer Tinkler: Don't worry, Benson stopped them for us.

Billy: Benson's back?

Police Officer Tinkler: Where have you been?

Billy: I've been out in the past week.

Police Officer Tinkler: Well while you have been gone all hell broke loose in your house a movie book could have been written about everything. 

Billy: Wow I better return home.

<Billy runs off.>

Police Officer Tinkler: Don't you want to help me identify Lesl.....Oh better off he's gone, the less Tates I have to see each day, the better.

Tates House

Chester: Benson I'm glad you and Mr. Martin are only bruised because maybe you can help me out here.

Benson: What do you need Mr. Tate, if it's food I'm not cooking.

Chester: No, it's just Saunders told us Westers and Johnson were leaving for Danbury.

Benson: Is that so?  I don't know if I can trust Saunders but I may have to.

Chester: Yes you may.

Benson: I'll do you the favor.  Me and Tom will go out and stop them.  Just sit tight and do everyone a favor and stay quiet.

Chester: I can do that.

Burt: Fifty bucks says he can't.

Mary: Burt!

Burt: What?  You want to make the bet?

Mary: Burt stop it!  This is your brother in law!

Burt: Well then you should know I say all this in love....

Campbells House

<Jodie walks downstairs chomping on a salad.  Danny is watching television with Elaine.>

Danny: Are you feeling better?

Jodie: Yes.  What were you expecting from me before?  You were acting as if I was a whole different man.

Elaine: You were.

Jodie: Well I'm sure you are just taking that out of proportion.

Danny: We're not, but if you're okay I'm ok.  Elaine you have to help me with this remote.  It's not getting my favorite station.

Elaine: What channel?

Danny: Channel C.

<Elaine and Jodie stare at Danny strangely.>

Danny: What?  You couldn't find it either?

Jodie: There is no channel C Danny.  All channels are numbers.

Danny: I know, that's why I can't seem to find channel C!

<Chuck and Bob come downstairs.>

Chuck: Did you guys hear that crash?

Jodie: No?

Chuck: It was heard all across town and everyone thinks it was at the Tates House!

Bob: And that's not the worst part.  Chester is injured and Jessica is missing! Oh dear sweet Jessica. I miss her already.

Danny: Then we must go there.

Chuck: We'll meet you up there, Bob and I have our own issues.

<Elaine, Jodie and Danny all leave.>

Bob: Now where were we Chuck?

Chuck: Well Bob you can't have your name on the top of the credits for our show.

Bob: And why not?

Chuck: Because I'm the talent.

Bob: And without me, where would you be?  Making facing out of grapefruit?

Chuck: I understand where you're coming from, but, I could always replace you.

Bob: Oh that's right.  I see those people now holding those broads.  You know, for a wooden woman, she holds lots of cleavage.

Chuck: Okay Bob how about this for a deal. I'll set you up with Misty Silver if I keep my name on top?

Bob: Misty?????  Where her wood is as sweet from a sap in the tree it came from?

Chuck: Yes.

Bob: You got yourself a deal!!!!

Warehouse

<Jessica is tied up to a chair and Benson is shown coming in.>

Jessica: Benson!  You've arrived to save me!

Benson: Shhhh.  Johnson is over there.  He may be dumb but he can hear things. 

<Benson takes a wooden board by Jessica and knocks it over his head.  Johnson turns around and throws a punch half way out and drops to the floor unconscious.  Westers comes in behind Benson and Jessica is trying to signal him and he clonks him.  Benson and Johnson are both out cold.>

Westers: Nice try Mrs. Tate.

<The camera fades and opens up again as Benson and Jessica are both tied up.>

Benson: Mrs. Tate are you still here?

Jessica: Yes Benson.  It was a good job trying to knock them out. 

Benson: Where's Tom?

Jessica: Who?

Benson: Tom Martin, a friend of mine whom I met. 

Tom: I'm right here <Tom is shown listening on Westers and Johnson's conversation.>

Westers: Johnson, our timing is going perfectly planned.  I have a hydrogen bomb planted in the Tates Basement set to blow up their property in one hour.

Johnson: When did you do that?

Westers: When we knocked out Chester.  Remember, we're not just two men. Someone has been in the basement watching for us.

Johnson: Oh yes I remember our other man.

Tom Martin: Benson, someone planted a bomb in the Tates basement.  They aren't alone in this plotting against us.  Someone else planted the bomb for us!  But nevertheless we must get home to reach the family. 

Benson: But there's no phone for miles!  We are better off running home to warn them in person!

Jessica: Then lets go!

<Johnson comes out and stops them.>

Johnson: I don't think so.

Tates House

<Chester is laying on the couch with a cold compress on his head.>

Chester: I'm so tired and I need sleep.

Mary: Just rest.

Chester: I can't with the thought I will awake with no money.

Burt: Then start thinking you will end up sleeping with no money too.  Get some rest.

<Saunders comes upstairs looking concerned.>

Saunders: I got some beets in the basement for dinner and I think you should get the heating checked.  I heard a hissing sound down there.

Announcer: Will Benson, Tom, and Jessica be able to escape to warn the Tates that there's a bomb in the basement?  If the bomb goes off how will Chester be able to pay for the damages?  Has Billy finally encountered the last attempt of Leslie trying to kill him?  And who is the third man working for Westers and Johnson? These questions and many others may be answered in the next episode of:

SOAP!