<The camera has a closeup on Burt. He is talking to someone.>

Burt: I'm glad you were able to come here on such short notice. You're the best on all the advertisements for your show.

Pierce Brosnan: I'm an actor! I don't think your family understands this. I'm not on real cases, instead I'm paid to pretend like I'm a detective saving the world.

Burt: No, that's not it. I've seen the James Bond movies, you just like taking on a different persona on the screen, in real life you also solve mysteries.

Piece Brosnan: No I don't. I'm an actor. In real life I like sitting back and relaxing watching my old television series daily.

Burt: But no, that's wrong. Even in the 1980's you were solving crimes. Now I understand if you think this is a difficult case, but I need your help.

Pierce Brosnan: Mr. Campbell, you're the cities Sheriff. I'm sure you can get your group of men out to find your son. He can't be far away. Isn't your son the deputy? I'm sure he can help.

Burt: My son...

<Danny walks downstairs and shakes Pierces hand.>

Danny: WOW you're Remington Steele!!!

Pierce Brosnan: Almost.

Burt: Don't you know anything Danny? That's James Bond!

Pierce Brosnan: Listen, I'm Pierce Brosnan, the actor! Now I'm here because your father's son Scotty is missing.

Danny: He's my brother.

Pierce Brosnan: Thus the reason he's your fathers son. Now I said that you can probably help him on the investigation to find him.

Danny: Aren't you helping?

Pierce Brosnan: What can I possibly do? I'm an actor!

Danny: Well I'm sure I can find something. Burt I'll be on the lookout!

<Danny goes to the door and tries opening it. But he's pushing the door in instead of pulling it out.>

Burt: You pull out Danny.

Danny: Thanks Burt, I would have been here playing with the door forever!

<Danny leaves.>

Burt: His brain is like a vacuum bag. Anything that ever gets put in is emptied out minutes later.

Pierce: Well Burt I'm sorry I couldn't help you on this. Stay in touch.

<Alien Mary walks in from the kitchen.>

Alien Mary: Okay, which of you is Burt again?

Burt: It's me, what's the matter with you?

Alien Mary: Oh nothing, I was curious, you hold all of our credit cards. You think you can loan me a few. I'm in a mood for some shopping!

<Pierce Brosnan waves to Burt and leaves.>

Burt: What are you buying?

Alien Mary: Some clothes.

Burt: We are on a tight budget Mar and I need you home in case someone calls or comes here with some news on Scotty.

Alien Mary: But I saw such a nice dress at Macy's. Come on Burt, you know you want me to buy stuff.

Burt: Fine.

<Burt gives Mary the credit card and she jumps in joy over having it. Mary leaves the house.>

<Two men are standing off on the side streets. Alien Burt walks up to one man and gives him a packet of money.>

Man: Well here's the item. Now be careful with it; the technology is stronger than anything you've ever seen.

Alien Burt: I highly doubt it. My men made this item.

Man: I don't think so. This was picked up around Area 51, near Roswell. Few men have ever been in that area.

Alien Burt: I never said I was in the area, I said I helped construct it.

Man: Ummm I don't think we should continue this transaction sir. You're being kinda freaky!

<The man runs away but Alien Burt grabs him. He stabs the man in the back with a needle and the man faints. Seconds later an identical man to the first rises. This is now an alien clone of the first man who sold Alien Burt this weapon. Alien Burt nods to the alien and the other man runs away. Alien Burt picks up the suitcase with the weapon in it and takes it out. He points it at the man who he gave a needle to. The camera views the nozel of the weapon. Flashes of white circles break through the gun. The camera goes to black and the picture comes back. The man that Alien Burt shot at is now dinisintigrated.>

Alien Burt: And wait until this happens to Burt!

<Julie Martin is sitting at a table when Jessica sits down.>

Jessica: I'm so glad we can finally eat together. It's been so busy at home.

Julie: I bet! Any new news on Scotty?

Jessica: Nothing, how's the baby?

Julie: 2 months of incubation in my stomach and about 40 craving a day.

Jessica: I remember when I was pregnant. It was great. Benson let me rest in my bed all nine months and Chester bought a second refrigerator just for my room. It was like having the kitchen next to my bed.

Julie: Did you ever get strange cravings?

Jessica: No, but I did love eating pickled peanut butter sandwiches.

Julie: Don't they just hit the spot when you're pregnant!

Jessica: Not as much as fluff and turkey sandwiches on rye!

Julie: Do you ever try it with a little bit of mayo?

Jessica: Tried it? I invented the sandwich!

Julie: Haha. Hey how is Alice doing at your house?

Jessica: It's so cute. She thinks she's one of us. When are you taking her back?

Julie: Me and Tom decided that she can come home when she understands we are her parents.

Jessica: Well okay, but she's really starting to irritate Saunders. She changes her mind every morning on what kind of eggs she wants after he gives her them. I mean Dutch eats the leftovers anyways but it's a lot of extra cooking!

Julie: Hehe, hey what's the latest with Chester's job? I mean I thought he was working in the stock exchange again.

Jessica: He is.

Julie: Then why is coming out here for a lunch break with his associate?

Jessica: What are you talking about?

Julie: Look!

<Chester is seen having lunch with some lady.>

Jessica: Oh look...it's Chester....sneaking around aga..in.

Julie: Oh no, I'm sure he's just having lunch.

Jessica: I know you're new around here Julie, but Chester has never been faithful to me. I think I'm going to go now.

Julie: Let me go with you.

Jessica: No, I need to be alone.

Julie: I'll pick up the check, call me later Jessica, I have open ears to these kinds of things.

<Jessica leaves and Julie stares and Chester who starts kissing the lady. Julie goes up to him.>

Julie: How dare you, you, you selfish pig!

Chester: Hello, have we met?

Julie: It's me, Julie Martin, Tom's wife!

Chester: Oh yes, Julie. How are the kids, Brian, Ross and Ally?

Julie: It's Robert, Michael and Alice you jerk!

<Julie pours wine over Chesters head.>

Julie: I hope you sincerely apologize to Jessica for this.

Lady: Whose Jessica?

Chester: Julie you wouldn't tell her?

Julie: Tell? She saw it! She was just here.

Chester: Oh no.

Julie: Oh yes. You've been caught.

Lady: Can someone please tell me what's going on? I thought I was your only woman Chester.

Julie: I think you need to get some of that bleach out of your brain bimbo.

<Julie leaves and Chester knows he's been caught.>

Chester: So do you want to go back to your place?

Lady: Goodbye and don't call me!

<Billy is on the Tates new computer when Benson comes inside from the kitchen with a mop.>

Benson: Where's the flood?

Billy: In mom's room.

Benson: The toilet again?

Billy: No, mom's been crying for ever! She won't tell me why. You better get Saunders, I can feel her tears leaking through the ceiling!

Benson: This does call for extra backup!! SAUNDERS help me upstairs!

<Saunders comes out from the kitchen.>

Saunders: Well actually Benson, my contract states that on Tuesday and Thursday I get the kitchen and you get the upstairs. Today is Thursday, I can't help you at all.

Benson: You worthless butler!

<Benson goes upstairs a little pissed. The doorbell rings. Billy looks at Saunders.>

Saunders: I get the door Monday, Tuesday and Friday. Remember, today is Thursday.

Billy: Yea yea yea...

<Billy answers the door and a man is standing there with an envelope.>

Delivery Man: I have a singing telegram for Billy Tate.

Billy: That's me! I've never had a singing telegram before.

Delivery Man: Well... <Singing to some childish tune.> Well I know you are a fraud and I'm going to expose you! New Years Eve I will meet you. One on one we will meet. Then as the Ball Drops you will die. Have a good day Billy Tate because you are a fraud; New Years Eve you will be dead. <The man stops singing.> Have a nice day Mr. Tate.

<The man leaves and Billy looks scared.>

<Burt walks out of the sheriff car and takes a flashlight with him.>

Burt: I got a call for someone to meet me here. Are you here?

<A man shows up from the dark. It's Alien Burt.>

Burt: Oh, so we meet again.

Alien Burt: Yes we do. I'm here to tell you that this all is going to end very shortly between us.

Burt: You're returning to the spaceship?

Alien Burt: Oh no, this is my home now. I'm getting rid of you. This is WAR!!!!

Burt: And what do you think you can do to defeat me?

<Alien Burt takes out his weapon and shoots it at a tree. The tree disintigrates.>

Burt: Well I didn't expect you to have that. But more importantly, where is my son?

Alien Burt: It's my son Burt.

Burt: You're mad!

Alien Burt: We sent him up to the spaceship. You're not going to find him around here.

Burt: There's no proof he's your son!

Alien Burt: That's why we're giving him tests. Don't worry, if he isn't ours we can always change that.

Burt: I will stop you....you....alien me! Because I do remember that THIS IS WAR!!!!!

<Burt leaves and Alien Burt is laughing and the camera fades to black.>

To Be Continued....

SOAP!