Narrator: We begin this episode still at Dr. Meadlow's Center.

<The Campbell's are sitting and reading magazine articles. The camera shows Burt inside Dr. Meadlow's office. Dr. Meadlow starts speaking.>

Dr. Meadlow: Burt, are you still attracted to your wife?

Burt: Well...yes.

Dr. Meadlow: Why are you hesitant about answering that question?

Burt: It's just she won't let up about our child.

Dr. Meadlow: What about him? I saw the picture you sent me he looks adorable.

Burt: Mary thinks he's an alien.

Dr. Meadlow: An alien....that's quite interesting.

Burt: Yea she thinks he flies.

Dr. Meadlow: Well he doesn't....right?

Burt: Oh right I'm not crazy you see. She just thinks since I was on a spaceship and she had sex with my double who was really an alien that looked like me he could be the father.

Dr. Meadlow: That's quite interesting. And when exactly were you abducted?

Burt: Two years ago. But don't worry Doc, my jet lag finally caught up with me.

Dr. Meadlow: That's good to know. Well, you seem to be in great shape, no more aliens and no more invisibility I'm guessing.

Burt: Nope.

Dr. Meadlow: And by seeing that you have a kid you must be making love so I'm guessing you're feeling great?

Burt: I am!

Dr. Meadlow: Well then call Danny in here.

Burt: Okay but to warn you, Danny gets on this fixation about not remembering the letter 12. I know what you're thinking, not remembering the letter 12, but it can happen. I've forgotten about it a few times too.

<Burt leaves and Danny walks in. He sits down.>

Danny: I'm not crazy.

Dr. Meadlow: I didn't think you were. You don't seem very troubled.

Danny: Not really. I mean I love my wife, I'm hoping we will have a kid soon. I'm just waiting for the stork to deliver it.

Dr. Meadlow: I see.... What's been your dream lately? I mean other than having a child?

Danny: I've actually always wanted to play the saxophone for a small jazz club but playing all of those notes confused me.

Dr. Meadlow: I don't seem the least bit surprised. Maybe you need more effective time management skills. Do you have a schedule of some sort?

Danny: No but I do have a saxophone. My real father, Johnny, you remember who my dad killed gave it to me for my twentieth birthday.

Dr. Meadlow: Well that's good. I know of some openings in Soul Cruise Jazz Club. You should check it out. Have my secretary pull out the address.

Danny: I will. Thanks!

<Danny leaves and closes the door. Dr. Meadlow seems like he's been talking to a bunch of inmates.>

Tates House

<Chester walks in and everyone goes up to tell him the news.>

Chester: What's the big deal around here? I never knew I was so welcomed.

Benson: You're really not.

Jessica: Guess what Chester? We won $10,000,000!!!

Chester: We did?

Corinne: Yea dad.

Dutch: I'll never have to work now!

Eunice: You never did.

Dutch: Remember Eunice be nice.

Chester: This is wonderful. Let's all go inside and have some lunch and talk about some stuff we can buy. This is the first time we've had money in six months! Benson and Saunders cook us a plate of your finest food!

Benson: Ummm No.

Saunders: Mrs. Tate said we can have equal share in the money so we're never going to need to work again either.

Benson: That's right Mr. Tate. The oven's in the kitchen, have fun!

Dr. Meadlow's Office

<Mary comes in and Dr. Meadlow knows what she's going to tell him.>

Dr. Meadlow: You seem distressed Mary. What's the matter?

Mary: Burt didn't tell you I'm crazy?

Dr. Meadlow: Oh he did.

Mary: Well he's right. I think Scotty is an alien. I mean I have reason to believe it too. I made love to a man from another planet.

Dr. Meadlow: That's what Burt tells me. I think you're very stressed. You know what you could do?

Mary: What?

Dr. Meadlow: Well tell me is there any hobby you've done lately that has given you some sort of enjoyment?

Mary: Well when I was pregnant with Scotty I had a lot of bed rest so I was constantly reading books. And I read a lot of Burt's construction books. They interested me. I made a blueprint for the dream house of my own. I one day want to build it.

Dr. Meadlow: Well that's very impressive.

Mary: Thank you.

Dr. Meadlow: Why don't you live that dream and think about building you're house.

Mary: Maybe I will!

Dr. Meadlow: Well that's great then. I think that's all I need to talk to you about. Call in your son Jodie.

<Jodie comes in and Mary leaves.>

Dr. Meadlow: So you're gay?

Jodie: And it's nice meeting you too Dr. Meadlow.

Dr. Meadlow: I'm sorry. Well, are you?

Jodie: I don't know.

Dr. Meadlow: What do you mean?

Jodie: Promise you won't repeat this?

Dr. Meadlow: I've heard millions of stories, most of which come from your family but go along.

Jodie: Well I kissed Danny's wife Elaine and I enjoyed it and I think I want to do it again.

Dr. Meadlow: With her?

Jodie: Well I did enjoy it but I think I want to find my own woman but it doesn't mean I don't still find myself attracted to men.

Dr. Meadlow: Well there's nothing wrong with liking both men and woman. It's called being Bisexual.

Jodie: That kind of thing really exists?

Dr. Meadlow: Yes of course. I know many patients who are.

Jodie: Wow I feel much better knowing about that.

Dr. Meadlow: Anytime Jodie.

Don't worry about it. Jodie: Should I call anyone in?

Dr. Meadlow: No that's about it.

<They walk outside of Dr. Meadlow's treatment office and Dr. Meadlow begins speaking.>

Elaine: Am I next?

Dr. Meadlow: Actually I've heard a bit about you.

<Jodie and Elaine look at each other.>

Bob: Oh dear....now everyone is going to know about the night me and Elaine spent together!!

Chuck: Bob!

Danny: Don't worry Elaine, I told Dr. Meadlow what a wonderful wife you are.

Dr. Meadlow: That's correct. Now I think you are all through. I'll let you talk among yourselves about your latest discoveries.

<Dr. Meadlow leaves.>

Jodie: I found out my true desires for love. I think I'm not gay.

<Burt explodes screaming in excitement.>

Jodie: I'm straight either. I'm bi.

Mary: Well I'm glad you discovered yourself.

Danny: I'm playing the saxophone at the Soul Cruise Club.

Elaine: Oh you are?

Danny: Yea isn't that great?

Elaine: Well now we're going to be separated even longer.

Danny: No we won't. You can come watch me play every time.

Elaine: I will.

Chuck: I'm going on vacation without Bob.

Bob: Yea you're all going to be stuck with just me.

Mary: I think we can handle that. And Burt guess what I'm going to work on building a new dream house for us!

Burt: You can build?

Mary: I've been working on blueprints for the past year. I studied architecture when I was at home pregnant.

Burt: That's great! I found out I'm not crazy!

Bob: One in a million doctors can give you that news and you must have found the right quack to say it!

Burt: Let's go home. It's great to know we're one of the most sane families in America.

Tates Bedroom

<Jessica comes out of the bathroom and starts kissing Chester. Chester starts crying.>

Jessica: What's the matter Chester?

Chester: It's just I wanted to earn that money. I feel like I inherited it from a charity.

Jessica: Don't feel that way Chester. We won a contest.

Chester: But I wanted to earn that money. I'm leaving Jessica.

Jessica: Where do you think you're going?

Chester: To New York City. I want to clear my mind. I'll be back in two days for Christmas.

Jessica: You better. I'm not happy about this.

Chester: Jessica it's just I'm getting old and I want to find myself again. I used to be hip and cool.

Jessica: And you used to be sleeping with half the town. I like you now and I think that you should get to bed and relax.

Chester: I can't. This is a mid-life crisis and I must leave now. I'll see for the holidays Jess.

<Chester kisses Jessica and leaves.>

Jessica: The first time he willingly left the house without me kicking him out first. Time have changed.

Soul Cruise Jazz Club

<The Campbell's are all watching Danny play the saxophone. He plays it wonderfully. Everyone claps in the audience.>

Jodie: I never he could play that well.

Chuck: I never knew he could play!

Mary: He couldn't. It's like someone is playing for him.

Burt: Well then we better tell that person he's doing an impeccable job in not revealing himself as playing for Danny.

Elaine: He's marvelous.

Danny: This next song is dedicated to my wife Elaine. It's called "How I Wish you Would Forgive me for not Celebrating with you that One Night"

Burt: He should be a little more specific than that.

<Danny is playing and Elaine is smiling. The camera goes backstage where Danny is standing.>

Adam Santrosa: Excuse me are you Danny Dallas?

Danny: Yes I am.

Adam Santrosa: Well I'm Adam Santrosa and I'd like to give you a contract to release an album and go on tour with a bunch of my men.

Danny: I don't know what to say!

Adam Santrosa: Just say yes.

<Danny smirks at the proposition. The camera goes back to the club where the Campbell's are waiting for Danny to come out.>

Burt: Mary I meant to tell you this. I called the Mayor earlier and I'm going to have him reevaluate me. Elections are coming soon and I may be the new mayor!

Mary: Oh Burt!

<Danny comes out and Elaine hugs him.>

Elaine: You were great and of course I forgive you!

Danny: Thanks Elaine. I have some great news! I signed a contract to tour the country, I'll have my own album! Isn't that great!

Burt: Gee Dan that's wonderful!

Elaine: Just wonderful, now you'll be away from me even more.....

Are the Campbell's normal again? Will Danny go on tour? Will Elaine let him? Has Jodie really found himself? Will Chuck really leave Bob for vacation? Will Burt be Mayor? Will Mary build a house? Will the Tates hire new butlers to handle the house? Will Chester arrive back home for the holidays? Will it be another Tate party disaster during Christmas? These questions and many others may be answered in the next episode of

SOAP!